I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
