RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
