I cannot find my penis.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
