masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
