if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
