Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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