Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
