in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
