Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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