I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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