I smell stomach acid.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What a dumb baby whore.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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