my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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