Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
