i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
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She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
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so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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