My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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