you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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