do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
