Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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