I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
