; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
