you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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