I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He better not be in your backpack
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
