my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
