This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
