I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
