I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
3 2 1 whiskey
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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