Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
