We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
His hands were made for my vagina.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
