Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The adults are the big ones right?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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