I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
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Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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