TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
