I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
