that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
