i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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