So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
