where am i from again
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
