my mouth tastes like poor choices
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
