ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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