im six kinds of drunk right now
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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