I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
did i just pee glitter
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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