for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
