I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
