just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
