remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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