I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
