i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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