You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
