Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
