her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
