Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
