Don't you send me to vm
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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