she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
