He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
