that's an acceptable place to lick
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
