dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
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Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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