Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
