You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
