I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
