I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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