So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
