Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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