dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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