I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
it glows. i had to have it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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