i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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