May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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