You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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