i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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