Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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