every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
