Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
