i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
