Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
