I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
