dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
