I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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