he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
