i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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