im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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