Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
