You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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