Taylor Swift is so right about you.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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