last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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