wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
