like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The beer is more important than you right now.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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