So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It's Friday. Sex?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
